Spoiling Children

Last night Miss M had a tantrum, a pretty good one. She wanted something to eat that I wasn't going to give her (she wanted something that took some preparation and that I had finished and put everything away - and that she's not been eating lately, anyway - I wasnt going to drag everything back out and make something that would end up in the trash), although I offered to get her something else. I usually take her into the bedroom when she does this to calm down. So we went into the bedroom and I offered to make her a sandwich, no good. I offered peanuts, no good. I offered a slice of (soy) cheese. No good. I had been contemplating making myself some popcorn (this was after dinner), so I said, "How about popcorn?" She stopped crying and looked at me in amazement. "Mommy! You're going to spoil me!"

We have a friend who does sweet things for her (her college aged daughter, does, too) and I've told Miss M that they spoil her. So, in her mind, I think "spoiling" means doing something unexpectedly nice.

Quote on American Christianity from a book about Jane Austen

Mr. B. surprised me with a book he'd heard about somewhere (perhaps Focus on the Family?) called A Walk with Jane Austen by Lori Smith. The book isn't really about Jane Austen - it's about Lori Smith's thoughts and questions about her life during a trip she took to visit historical Jane Austen places.

Here's the quote:

"The American Christian mentality can be a dangerous one. We are so successful, so rich, that we begin to equate these things with the blessings of God. They are great blessings, to be sure. But in some ways this leads to a faith that evaluates God's work in our lives and the lives of our friends by the amount of stuff we have received. When things work out--our marriage, children, 401(k)--God is clearly present. When things do not work out, we tell ourselves and others to hold on, that God will surely come to our aid and act quickly on our behalf, bringing us what we want/need/desire/cannot live without. This is not entirely untrue; God loves to give us good things. And yet what we end up with in many ways is a faith focused on all of our riches, a faith that works only in America. Just thinking about trying to encourage Third World Christians the way we talk to each other belies the fact that these 'truths' we hold on to are not universal."

Old-Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills

Thanks to LauraK who posted this on the MBG message board. Here's just a sample from this NPR article, which you can read in its entirety here:

"Instead of spending their time in autonomous shifting make-believe, children were supplied with ever more specific toys for play and predetermined scripts. Essentially, instead of playing pirate with a tree branch they played Star Wars with a toy light saber. Chudacoff calls this the commercialization and co-optation of child's play — a trend which begins to shrink the size of children's imaginative space."

"one reason make-believe is such a powerful tool for building self-discipline is because during make-believe, children engage in what's called private speech: They talk to themselves about what they are going to do and how they are going to do it.
'In fact, if we compare preschoolers' activities and the amount of private speech that occurs across them, we find that this self-regulating language is highest during make-believe play," Berk says. "And this type of self-regulating language… has been shown in many studies to be predictive of executive functions.'
And it's not just children who use private speech to control themselves. If we look at adult use of private speech, Berk says, 'we're often using it to surmount obstacles, to master cognitive and social skills, and to manage our emotions.'
Unfortunately, the more structured the play, the more children's private speech declines."

Emma by J Austen and Miss M's Desire for a Dog

Ginger and I finished Sense and Sensibility and today we start Emma.

Miss M has been asking for a dog. L informed her that brother J is allergic to dogs, so she suggested that we "get rid of J." Just yesterday she told someone at church that J is her favorite brother. My, how things change! Or maybe nothing has changed, but her priorities are set and even when weighed against a favorite brother, a dog comes first? When I told her that getting rid of J wasn't an option, she said, "Then I'll grow up and marry myself so I can live by myself!"

Mister Rogers: "Won't You Wear a Sweater?" Day

In honor of the late Mister Rogers' 80th birthday, Thursday March 20 is Wear a Sweater Day. See Mr. McFeeley's YouTube plea here.

Three Yr Old's Narration of Star Wars

This YouTube video was shared on another message board - this little girl is a great example of narration - although I think that, if I had such a bright, articulate child, I might find something more worthy than Star Wars to familiarize her with. I'll bet she has older brothers.

What Punctuation Mark Are You?

Found on Katie's blog. I don't think this is quite accurate. And I was secretly hoping to be a semi-colon. But when I changed a couple of my answers, I scored as a comma, not a semi-colon.

You Are a Colon

You are very orderly and fact driven. You aren't concerned much with theories or dreams... only what's true or untrue. You are brilliant and incredibly learned. Anything you know is well researched. You like to make lists and sort through things step by step. You aren't subject to whim or emotions. Your friends see you as a constant source of knowledge and advice. (But they are a little sick of you being right all of the time!) You excel in: Leadership positions You get along best with: The Semi-Colon

What Punctuation Mark Are You?

Correct Coughing Technique

"Are you still coughing and sneezing the way they did during the plague? Into the air, your hands, tissues and handkerchiefs? Then you need to see this video. You’ll learn to cough and sneeze in places that are less likely to spread infections and keep germs alive."

This site has a video of the proper way to cough and sneeze so that you risk less spread of germs. The site has options for video in English, Spanish and sign language.

The video is also on Youtube.

Heroines of Faith and Courage (and Conclusion)

Chapter 6 and Conclusion of Tending the Heart of Virtue: How Classic Stories Awaken a Child's Moral Imagination by Vigen Guroian.

In chapter 6, Guroian discusses two "sisters in faith and courage." They are Irene from The Princess and the Goblin, and Narnia's Lucy. I won't go into much of that - it seems obvious to me. But I want to share a few quotes.

To George MacDonald (who wrote The Princess and the Goblin), "Imagination is a power of discovery, not a power to create. The latter capacity he reserved to God alone. Nor did MacDonald equate imagination with mere fancy...Rather, for him, imagination is a power of perception, a light that illuminates the mystery that is hidden beneath visible reality: it is a power to help 'see' into the very nature of things. Reason alone, MacDonald argued, is not able to recognize mystery or grasp the moral quiddity of the world. As the sensible mind needs eyes to see, so reason needs the imagination in order to behold mystery and to perceive the true quality of things. Imagination takes reason to the threshold of mystery and moral truth and reveals them as such." I think that about sums it up. :)

Why should children read more than sensible, sanitized, true-to-life books? Guroian says that MacDonald felt strongly that children's books should reveal a glimpse of more. "Why shouldn't children's stories arouse deep questionings about the nature of good and evil, about death and what comes after, and about faith and doubt? Do we not risk doing much greater harm to our children if we deny them the opportunities and the possibilities to work through their fears, inquire into the meaning of their loves, and follow the lead of questions about the human lot that begin to percolate to consciousness quite early in life?" I think that sums it up, too. Maybe I should read more George MacDonald. :)

MacDonald wrote about princesses because, he said, "every little girl is a princess" and child of the King. In The Princess and the Goblin, MacDonald "shows us how courage gets joined with the theological virtues, especially faith and love." There's lots more - I haven't even mentioned Irene, who is the focus of this half of the chapter.

I won't go into Lucy, either. No doubt she's heroic and inspiring, and Guroian links things that happen to her with words like eucharist, baptism, liturgical formula. I'm so familiar with Lucy that it seems redundant to write anything about her. You'll just have to read it yourself.

Gurioan's Conclusion lists books that fit into his chapter categories:
Becoming Real (The Ugly Duckling, Where The Wild Things Are)
Love and Immortality (Snow White, Little Daylight, The Selfish Giant)
Friends and Mentors (The Reluctant Dragon, Trumpet of the Swan, Damon and Pythias)
Evil and Redemption (The King of the Golden River, The Last Battle)
Heroes of Faith and Courage (Curdie and the Princess, The Wizard of Oz, A Wrinkle in Time)
He explains his choices in the book.

All of the entries in this series:
1. Awakening the Moral Imagination
2. On Becoming a Real Human Child: Pinocchio
3. Love and Immortality in The Velveteen Rabbit and The Little Mermaid
4. Friends and Mentors in The Wind in the Willows, Charlotte's Web, Bambi
5. Evil and Redemption in the Snow Queen and Narnia
6. Heroines of Faith and Courage (and Conclusion)

Evil and Redemption in the Snow Queen and Narnia

Chapter 5 of Tending the Heart of Virtue: How Classic Stories Awaken a Child's Moral Imagination by Vigen Guroian.

Few people are as monstrously evil as Hitler or as saintly as Mother Teresa. Most of us are a complex combination of both. The more impure our hearts, the more we tend to rationalize our selfish decisions. We all sometimes yield to our lower desires, become trapped as a result, and need to be rescued. Both of these stories portray a kind of 'everyman' who could be any one of us, this 'everyman's' fall, and his redemption.

"In The Snow Queen, Andersen shows us wherein evil lies and how it robs life of joy, but he also celebrates how goodness and love restore wholeness and happiness to life."

The story starts with some background information. The devil created a mirror that made anything good look evil. The mirror shattered and every sliver had the same power to make good look evil. If a sliver got into a person's eye, he could only see evil. If a sliver got into someone's heart, it would turn his heart to ice. Andersen's prologue of the broken mirror is a picture of our broken existence. Pride and selfishness "shatter the harmony and communion of innocent life."

In The Snow Queen, a mirror shard pierces a boy's eye and heart and makes him detest his best friend Gerda. Their friendship had been as pure and innocent as Adam and Eve. The boy becomes possessed and cruel. Then the Snow Queen, who turns flowers to ice, drags the boy away in her sledge, away from everyone who loves him. Her kiss freezes his heart so that all he has left is his reason - when he thinks the Lord's Prayer might help him, all he can remember is the multiplication tables. The Snow Queen promises that if he can form the word 'eternity' out of the slivers of icy mirror on the ground, she'll give him the whole world - and a new pair of skates! But, as much as he tries, the task eludes him. Andersen has portrayed a person creating his own hell. This boy could be any one of us trapped and blinded by evil.

Like Jesus, Gerda goes on a mission to seek and rescue the boy because she loves him. Unlike the boy, she remembers the Lord's Prayer and her breath as she prays becomes powerful, armed angels who protect her as she enters the Snow Queen's castle to find the boy. When she finds him, her tears thaw the boy's heart. He remembers their friendship and he cries - and the sliver of ice washes out of his eye. Warm childhood memories can lead us to salvation and keep us from evil.

This tale also illustrates the relationship between genders. In our day, this has been degraded to revolve around carnality, but in The Snow Queen, Gerda has power to "make man and beast serve her...her power comes from her heart." Woman has the power to soften man and make him truly alive by restoring the communion between them. Guroian says that this doesn't have to portray the woman as the one who helps, "the roles are interchangeable - and I think Andersen would agree with me. The wholeness of man and woman depends upon a relationship of complete mutuality." This is interesting to me because I've been reading how, no matter what it's called, marriages that work tend to be 'mutually submissive,' with both people loving, serving and honoring each other (rather then fulfilling divided roles where only one does the loving and one does the honoring/submitting).

The boy thinks he'll be free when he completes a task and gains the world (and the skates!) But "the heart of evil is the cold heart of a self in isolation vainly imagining that by being autonomous it is free and whole." But men and women need each other, we weren't meant to be happy in isolation. "The good that the Snow Queen abhors is not an abstract principle but the communion of love that heals the primal rift forced by Adam and Eve when they succumbed to the promise of an impossible twisted autonomy and immortality..."

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe "embraces the great themes of sin, repentance, and forgiveness in the Christian story of salvation." Yet the focus of the story is Edmund, a prodigal and very important illustration of redemption. We must not "risk overlooking the vital struggle between good and evil that is waged in Edmund's heart..." He's not evil, just a typical boy whose selfishness and pride is used to lure him into a bad deal with the forces of evil. He could be any one of us. "Evil takes a foothold in Edmund's will and imagination, much like the rot that attacks the soft spot of a fruit and spreads through the entire flesh." C.S. Lewis "wants us to think of sin as a kind of addiction...Edmund's temptation [for Turkish Delight] becomes an uncontrolled obsession and he is no longer able to enjoy good and legitimate pleasures" just like the boy in the Snow Queen.

Guroian mentions an interesting parallel between The Snow Queen and the White Witch, who lure their young child victim with promises (one for a kingdom to rule and Turkish Delight, one for the whole world and a pair of skates - I'm not sure why I find the addition of a new pair of skates thrown in as ridiculously funny).

The Narnia stories are favorites of mine - the first time I read the series, I got a real taste and longing for Heaven and Christ in a way that had been distant and vague before. I even wanted to name my first daughter Lucy. But then I married a man who already had a Lucy in his extended family, so it would have been awkward. The parallels to Christianity seem so clear that it feels like stating the obvious to say even what I've already posted. So I'm keeping the Narnia part short, not because Gurioan had little to say about it, but because it isn't news to me.

All of the entries in this series:
1. Awakening the Moral Imagination
2. On Becoming a Real Human Child: Pinocchio
3. Love and Immortality in The Velveteen Rabbit and The Little Mermaid
4. Friends and Mentors in The Wind in the Willows, Charlotte's Web, Bambi
5. Evil and Redemption in the Snow Queen and Narnia
6. Heroines of Faith and Courage (and Conclusion)