Being Human ch 9: The Family

This chapter reminded me of both Charlotte Mason (in volume 3, she talks about the need for and balance between authority and submission) and the book Families Where Grace is in Place (because of the mutual submission of family members even with proper authority in place.)

"The target to be aimed at within the relationship is principally the experience of mutuality--the sharing of one another's lives expressed in an attitude of submission, of a willingness to give oneself away out of concern for the other and out of reverence for Christ. Because human beings are designed for such a relationship, it will not damage them. In fact, this is the only way to find fulfillment within marriage. The opposite idea, seeking to keep intact one's own life, insisting on one's own rights, resenting whatever is costly to oneself in terms of time or energy, spells ruin to the couple and the family.

"This is where so many of the ideas of the women's liberation movement are wrong. Some of the ideas are completely right and we should support them (for example, equal pay for equal work, equal opportunity). But there is no doubt that its chief characteristic is an ideal of fulfillment for women which is essentially self-centered. We reject this not because it comes from women. The attitude is just as reprehensible on the other side--and certainly it is more common among men. Much of the emotional force among liberationists comes from the fact that men have been so selfish within marriage. Nevertheless, feminist attitudes are also the result of a general redefinition of self-fulfillment today as 'what I like, when I like, how I like.' The effects of this are lethal.

"The Christian must insist that fulfillment in marriage is the result of an attitude of self-giving by each spouse. Mutuality means acting together, being so involved in the other's life that one is prepared to 'spend and be spent' for the other. This must have pre-eminence over the authority."

[This book was written in 1978, when Women's Rights was still newsworthy.]

Then there's a section that deals with parents and children. It seemed to echo CM's ideas: There needs to be parental authority, but it must be clear to parent and child that parental authority is delegated authority, and both parent and child are bound to obey God's laws first. Authority is never arbitrary. Parental authority is temporary--parents will begin to turn over authority to the children as they mature. Like I said, just a re-wording of what CM wrote in her books (especially Volume 3).