Miss M and Friend

I took a camera to piano lessons yesterday to take some pictures while waiting for the boys to finish their lessons.

The pictures are gone, but here's all the guys:

Norms and Nobility

The Headmistress at The Common Room posted her personal notes to Norms and Nobility, a book about education by David Hicks. In her notes, she writes that learning happens somewhere between what we already know how to do, and what we can't do yet. It's not easy being asked to do what we can't do, but if it's never asked of us, how will we ever progress beyond where we are? Teachers need to challenge students to do what they don't think they can because it seems too hard. That's how we learn. Wise teachers challenge students to demand more of themselves. But it isn't just teachers who ask this of students. If we, as parents, want to learn and grow beyond where we are, we have to ask it of ourselves. [Yes, I re-wrote it in my own words. In fact, her notes were so good that I rewote the whole thing in my own words. That's the way I seem to "get it" best, by breaking things down into little bitty words and short, elementary-school level sentences. :) ]

That's just a small part of everything she posted. If you want to be inspired and challenged as a homeschool teacher, you can read the rest for yourself here. Norms and Nobility is on my list of books that I hope to read someday.

Raising Your Spirited Child part 5 of 5

The last section is barely worth posting about. It's just two pages (one sheet of paper printed back and front) kind of summing up and encouraging parents to take heart (as I remember; I seem to have misplaced my book!)

I also wrote about Positive Discipline for Preschoolers here.

Raising Your Spirited Child Part 4 (of 5)

Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Part 4 - Socializing with Spirit

That's clever, how each Part begins with "___ with Spirit." But I'm getting tired of it. ;)

This section has tons of practical help for helping a spirited child succeed in public - at Grandma's for Thanksgiving, at the playground, on vacation. I've never thought of any of my kids as especially spirited, but I can see how some of the situations and suggestions apply to us. A lot of the tips read as if they came straight from Jane Nelsen's book Positive Parenting. There are many of the same tactics, and I would recommend the book if you're looking for creative solutions to working through behavioral problems.

Sprited children don't always know they're being socially ill-mannered when they talk too loud, express emotions too forcefully, or infringe on other people's personal space by getting too close. They need help identifying boundaries and proper behavior, and then doing it. There are specific suggestions for learning to share, handle teasing, and resolving conflict with words instead of physical fighting.

On vacations, it's best to have realistic expectation and plan well. Holidays and vacations can be stressful in themselves, so we're stressed when our spirited kids need us most. They may be expected to wear uncomfortable dress clothes, sleep in unfamiliar places, deal with crowds, and eat new foods. It helps to plan less activities so there's more time for down time. Children may need very specific instructions on how to enter a room and politely greet everyone. They may also need to practice receiving gifts so that they respond appropriately if they get overly-excited, or if they're disappointed.

School can be a great experience, or a disaster. Use your power of choice to select the best schooling option, whether it be a particular school in the county, a private school, or homeschool. Find a classroom that fits your child, the place where he will be treasured for being himself. Share what your child is like with the teacher. Tips are given about how to effectively communicate with your child's teacher.

Raising Your Spirited Child part 3 (of 5)

Part 3 - Living with Spirit

Part 2 is here
Part 1 is here

By planning for success, situations with potential for disaster can be avoided or reworked so that everyone is smiling by the end of it. Grocery shopping might be done with both parents, so that one shops while the other takes the kids around the store doing fun tasks or games. Difficult situations can be broken down to isolate where the greatest source of trouble or frustration is, and adjustement can be made - if choosing the day's outfit is an issue, maybe that can be done the night before when there's no rush or pressure. If making transitions is the problem, plan a way to ease them and give the child time to adapt. Be aware of environmental settings - if dinner at a restaurant is out, maybe an outdoor picnic would work. Bring along toys if that helps.

Sleep is also adressed with tips for each temperament type, but the main point here is to do what works and what keeps everyone happy, not what relatives or neighbors think is acceptable. Most spirited children need help to soothe them to sleep. A routine, calming activities, and a warning time to wind down and give closure to the day can help.

Mealtimes can be especially challenging with a spirited child. Thay can be intense about their tastes, and how they prefer to eat. As a parent, your job is to offer healthy food instead of junk. It's your child's job to choose from your limits. So keep good food well-stocked and appetizing, and keep junk out. That alone will prevent lots of hassles. Kids should be able to help themselves to snacks, so buy healthy snacks and make them self-serve. Each temperament type has a section of tips for succeeding at meals. Kids may not like a food, but they can learn to have manners and say, 'no thank you,' instead of, 'yuk!' There are more good specifics for avoiding mealtime hassles.

Dressing can create problems if kids are hyper-sensitive to things like seams, or easily distracted, or frustrated. A distraction-free place to dress, easy clothes, and some organization can help. There are pointers for shopping and choosing clothes that will encourage success.

Heard Frequently

"Nooneeyuh. Da Lion."

That's Miss M commenting when her brothers show her pictures from the upcoming Narnia movie.

Pictures of Autumn

I've made a gallery of fall photos. Some of them:

These seem to be some sort of seedpods. If you, my gentle reader, by hap know what this plant is, I would be grateful for the knowledge.

Raising Your Spirited Child Part 2 (of 5)

Part 1 is here

Part Two - Working With Spirit

Almost half the book is Part 2!

There's a chapter to help identify whether the child is introverted or extroverted. Where does his energy and refreshment come - from being with others, or from time alone? How much physical space does he need? Then parents identify their own energy source. Knowing this helps them work together.

Intensity - Parents need to learn to pick up cues from their child that warn of an impending crisis. Some children get stiff and jerky, some get impatient, some get louder or test the rules. Children also need to learn to recognize their own cues so they can take positive steps to avoid a meltdown. Parents can ask their child what they feel when they seem out of control, and help them find words for what's inside them. Children need to learn to put their feelings into words instead of lashing out physically. They learn by hearing it: "You seem to be feeling mad," or "you're upset, but you'll be okay." Then the child can learn to verbalize his feelings to himself: "I can be angry without hurting anyone," or "I'm feeling tense, I need to find a quiet place."

Parents should find out what calms their child. Some are soothed by relaxing in water, or creating jewelry, or patting play-doh, or reading, or with comic relief. Time out can be used to re-charge, not as punishment, but as a quiet place to regain self-control.

Spirited kids have big, intense feelings. If they're forced to deny those feelings or hide them, there will be problems. What they need is to learn positive ways of expressing them. They can learn to breathe through anger, take a break from frustration, or find a place to yell.

Persistent Children - Parents can decide which battles are worth fighting, especially if their child is overly persistent. Try to find opportunities to say yes when you can. Steps are given to help negotiate compromise for peace. What rules absolutely aren't negotiable? A toddler needs an environment where most things aren't off-limits and they can do things for themselves without too much frustration. Tips are given for setting consequences of misbehavior, such as 'it's easier to take something away from a child, such as TV, than to make him do something, like vaccuum the living room.' Find the right balance between too much authoritarian control and too much chaos so that the household is peaceful.

Sensitivity - Some kids are sensitive to noise, or things touching them. Over-stimulation makes them difficult. Learn to read the cues before the child has a meltdown. Teach him to use descriptive words to tell you when he's uncomfortable. The stimulation of TV is bad for these kids. They zone out while watching, but overreact later.

Easily distracted or hyper-perceptive - Spirited kids can have keen senses, but they often have trouble sorting incoming information, so they become confused or distracted or zoned out. Find out how your child listens to you best - whether it helps to touch him, or write a note, sing your message. Get eye contact and keep your instructions simple. Instead of telling them what *not* to do, tell them what they *can* do: instead of 'don't go left,' say 'let's go right.' Don't break their concentration while they're doing a task by giving additional instructions or even praise.

Difficulty with change or transitions - Spirited kids have a hard time stopping one activity to go to another one (such as, ending play to eat lunch). Help them verbalize that they don't like the change. Establish a routine that they can count on. Allow time for them to mentally make the switch by giving them some warning a few minutes beforehand. Make a game of going to bed by pretending to 'walk to the moon' and go through the pretend steps of preparing to make the journey. This kind of game can win cooperation. Allow children time and space to be upset at unexpected change.

There are also tips on dealing with kids who are unpredictable in their schedule, energetic and unable to keep still, and moody.

Spirited kids have spill-over tantrums (meltdowns, or uncontrolled emotional outbursts) that show up in infancy, before they're old enough to be manipulative. Find the triggers: are there peak times, cerain places or situations that cause them? In the midst of a tantrum, different things work for different kids. But most kids need you to stay close to help them through it, may need your guidance to tell them when to stop, and might need you to put things into words to help them sort out their emotions. Be kind but firm, don't give in. Adding a spanking to an already charged situation rarely helps. If tantrums are making you dislike your child, get professional counseling.

Tag -- I'm it.

Camille tagged me!! The rules are:

1. Search your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (this is meant to say something about you).
4. Post that sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five people to do the same.

-----------------------------------------

The truth is, I was tagged before to do this. But my 23rd post was results of our end-of-term exam, so my fifth sentence was an exam question ("What invention do you think most changed the world?") Maybe that makes me out to be a hard task master, always demanding that my poor overworked children manifest discernible results to validate my teaching effort?

So I'm re-doing my count, I'm taking my 23rd post after that post. Ah, this is more like it! I posted about the Ambleside Online conference that I'd just come home from. What a wonderful memory that was! But there are only two sentences, I was nnouncing a new photo page I'd set up about the conference. The closest thing to a fifth sentence would be the second sentence: "Let me know what you think -- leave me a comment!"

Yep, that sounds like me! Always second-guessing, wondering what everyone else thinks, needing some feedback to justify my existence! LOL!

I already tagged five people, and I don't really know anybody else who's been blogging long enough to have 23 posts.

The care and feeding of "winter skin"

Help for dry skin, posted at Our Blue Castle. I think the most important one for me is drinking more.